


I Wanna Seek You First

by Kienova



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Christmas, F/M, Firsts, Post-Season/Series 05, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kienova/pseuds/Kienova
Summary: Deke stood by the Christmas tree, turning the small bauble in his hands, transfixed by the way that the light was reflecting off the shining metal as he dropped it back against the branches. It rocked for a second before settling in with its counterparts, five of the ornaments all displaying the same or very similar text.“Everyone is obsessed with firsts here,” he commented, voice full of confusion more than distaste, glancing over at the other occupants of the room. The tree next to him was only partially decorated, sparse in some areas while heavily fortified by decorations in others.“Firsts are important,” Fitz said.





	I Wanna Seek You First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gort](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gort/gifts).



> Part of the FitzSimmon Secret Santa Exchange on Tumblr. I had a ton of fun writing this.  
> Hope you've all had a safe and happy holiday season!

_Deke stood by the Christmas tree, turning the small bauble in his hands, transfixed by the way that the light was reflecting off the shining metal as he dropped it back against the branches. It rocked for a second before settling in with its counterparts, five of the ornaments all displaying the same or very similar text._

_“Everyone is obsessed with firsts here,” he commented, voice full of confusion more than distaste, glancing over at the other occupants of the room. The tree next to him was only partially decorated, sparse in some areas while heavily fortified by decorations in others. The mantle above the fireplace bore a single snow globe surrounded by some evergreen branches, a red bow tied in the middle. The ornate orb was accompanied by a note that read ‘_ Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the little bugger! Love Bobbi & Hunter xx’

_“Firsts are important,” Fitz said, coming in from the kitchen with a tea tray in his hands, a warm smile on his face as he glanced over at Jemma. She was nestled in the chair in front of the bay window, slowly rocking back and forth, the newborn in her arms nursing quietly. Fitz deposited the tray on the coffee table before moving over to stand next to Jemma, dropping a kiss in her hair as he tugged the throw blanket around her shoulders. Deke looked on, a pang of affection for his family rushing through him as he watched his grandparents cradling the baby with the backdrop of winter snow through the window._

_“Yes,” Jemma replied, beaming up at her husband. “They are. Especially when they’re with someone you love.”_

_“Did you always know?” Deke blurted, the question shocking all of them. Fitz raised an eyebrow._

_“Know what?” he prompted, leaning against the windowsill, unable to keep his eyes off his daughter for more than a few seconds._

_“That you were going to be together. That you’d have… this. A baby. A house. So many… firsts, together.” The question was posed with such honesty that Jemma felt her heart constrict._

_“No, Deke, we didn’t,” she confessed. “We knew one another would be important but…”_

_“We didn’t know how important,” Fitz continued._

_“You guys have been together since you were what, seventeen?”_

_“Sixteen, technically. Our first semester at the Academy started before either of us had turned seventeen,” Jemma said, cooing softly when the baby fussed, her tiny face scrunching up before she latched back on._

_“You must have shared a lot of firsts then,” Deke continued, seeming uncertain of himself for a moment as his grandparents nodded. “Can… can you tell me about some? Not… not ones that would make me want to bleach my brain but… maybe…”_

_“Sure,” Fitz interjected, motioning for Deke to take a seat on the sofa. “Let’s see… well, Jemma was the first person I ever lived with, aside from my parents.”_

\--

“I think we should move in together.”

The statement came across the table with no preamble, Jemma dropping down into the chair and gazing at Fitz with excited eyes. He swallowed thickly, trying not to choke on the bite of cereal he had just taken.

“And a good morning to you as well,” he said.

When he’ll think about it, years later, it would be one of the millions of firsts he shared with her. But in the moment, it felt a bit like Jemma had stolen the rug out from under him.

In his nearly nineteen years of life, Fitz had shared a dwelling with all of two people: his parents. And even then, he wasn’t sure if he could really call what little relationship he had with his father as sharing a home. His mother, definitely, but no one else. Having always been so much younger than his peers, he had often been sequestered to having a tiny dorm room of his own rather than sharing a room with someone nearly ten years his senior. But even if he had, it wouldn’t have been a girl he would have been rooming with.

Jemma let out a slight huff, digging into her bag until she could pull out an advertisement, placing it on the cafeteria table between them and trying to flatten one of the creases out. Glancing at the paper, Fitz took in the “FOR RENT” scrawled across the top, a few low-quality photos showing an apartment printed just beneath it before the specifications were listed.

“Its perfect Fitz,” Jemma insisted, voice filled with excitement. “Only a five-minute walk from campus and two bedrooms and two bath which is crazy for something at this price range. But between us we could afford it. Our scholarships would cover rent and food and would still leave us a little here and there for outings or if we needed to pick anything else up. I spoke with the woman who’s renting it and she’s agreed to see us later today. She said she doesn’t normally rent to anyone our age but considering I told her we both already had our doctorates she would make an exception as long as we agreed not to have any parties and -”

“Slow down Simmons,” Fitz interrupted, feeling like his head was spinning with how quickly she was talking. Carefully, he dragged the paper across the table, reading the information for himself, a low hum of acknowledgement in his throat. “Can… can I ask what brought this on?” As he posed the query he looked up, watching Jemma fidget with the hem of her cardigan.

“This… this is our last year of school. And everyone else here already has lived on their own. Properly, I mean. Or with roommates. But we haven’t…. And I thought, maybe, we could do this together. Like we’ve done everything else since we became friends.” Her words carried such sincerity, and a hint of insecurity, that he felt his chest constrict. In the two years he’d known her, he had only witnessed Jemma become nervous about exams, fearing that she wouldn’t perform as well as she could. Which, he reminded her every term, was ludicrous, as she beat their entire cohort at every single subject, save for mechanical engineering, where he was superior to her only by two percent. He took a deep breath, not sure why his heart was suddenly hammering beneath his ribs before he regarded her across the table.

“Alright. What time are we seeing this place?”

\--

As he anticipated, Jemma was a ball of excitement at the apartment, rushing about and looking at everything, commenting in a hushed voice that beguiled him to become as entranced by the apartment as he was by his best friend, her eyes dancing around everything before she turned back to beam at him.

“As I said on the phone, the apartment is available the first of May. I know you said you’re at the college, but if you’re not able to take possession until September when the new semester starts –” the older woman was saying, remaining at her spot in the front hall.

“No, no, we’re taking summer classes as well. May first would be fine,” Jemma replied, grinning. “Can we have a moment?” she asked, beckoning to Fitz with a slight tilt of her head. The landlord nodded, heading back into main hall. “Oh Fitz, isn’t it _perfect?_ ”

The thought of suddenly being so responsible for something like an apartment sent a jolt of insecurity through him, not to mention the thought of sharing a space so intimately with someone left him slightly jumpy. He knew Jemma well enough. But he also knew that they could bicker to the point where he would have to grit his teeth before he would lash out. That she kept questionable samples in the fridge of their lab space. That she was neat to a fault at times and would likely try and completely control his diet, even though he had improved upon his eating habits in the last few years since they had first met. Hell, he even knew how to cook better than her. But regardless of every note of panic that suffused through his blood, he couldn’t help but want to keep that smile on her face.

“You bring one biological sample home and leave it anywhere near the food, and you’ll need to find yourself someone else to live with,” he said, glancing over at the kitchen, unable to fully bask in the elation that lit up her face. Jemma let out an excited squeal, throwing herself into his arms and leaving a smacking kiss on his cheek.

“I promise!” she grinned, cupping his face in her hand before dashing out into the hallway to confer with their new landlord. Fitz sighed, looking around the still empty apartment. God, what was he getting himself into?

\--

Living together took some getting used to.

Although they worked seamlessly together at the Academy, Fitz still wasn’t used to having someone so consistently in his space all the time. Jemma kept to herself at times, true, and they didn’t necessarily spend more time together than they had before, still watching movies together on weekends, but it felt different. Having Jemma standing in the kitchen in the mornings, brewing tea with her hair in a messy plait. Having her a mere door away at night, instead of across campus or on another floor, left a strange sensation bubbling low in his abdomen. But he didn’t think too much over it, slowly adapting to living with someone else.

The first time he was confronted with how different life was, living with another person, was when one morning he heard Jemma cursing loudly, the cabinets in her bathroom slamming.

“You alright?” Fitz called, putting his tea down before padding across the hardwood, hearing Jemma’s longsuffering sigh from the other side of the door.

“How horrified would you be if I asked you to run down to the store and pick up some tampons for me?” Her voice carried a shaky quality, laced with irritation. Fitz shrugged, already moving towards his shoes by the front door before remembering that she couldn’t see him.

“Any particular, uh, type?” he called back, crouching down to lace his trainers.

“I’ll text you a picture?” she offered, slight insecurity in her voice.

“Right. Back shortly.”

\--

_“She made you go get… girl things?” Deke demanded, scrunching his nose up while Jemma burst out laughing._

_“Unfortunately they’re a necessity, Deke,” she giggled. “And your grandfather didn’t even seem to care until he was already back and his tea kicked in.” She grinned at Fitz then, noticing the slight blush crawling up his neck._

_“Yeah, well, I’ve at least got a few months ahead of me where you forgetting part of the shopping doesn’t result in me looking through feminine hygiene products,” Fitz shot back, grinning at the way his comment made Jemma roll her eyes, the burp-cloth being whipped at his head as he laughed._

\--

They had been living together for a few months when she started dating Milton. Really, Fitz supposed, he wasn’t that horrible of a human being, but he wasn’t what he imagined Jemma with either. The older man was almost too willing to go along with anything she said, presenting very few of his own ideas or attitudes unless he believed them to align with Jemma’s.

“What do you see in him, anyway?” Fitz asked, puzzling over some blueprints on one of the rare evenings where they were both home and not completely buried under school work.

“Hmm?” Jemma muttered, looking up from her novel to give him her full attention.

“Milton,” Fitz elaborated, twirling his pencil between his fingers.

“He’s nice,” Jemma responded, rolling her eyes when Fitz moved his hand in a ‘go on’ gesture.  When she didn’t elaborate, he sighed, lying down on the carpet and looking up at her.

“There has to be more to it than that. He has to be more that just _nice_ ,” he pressed, not sure why he was suddenly so interested.

“He’s nice to look at as well,” she offered, sighing when it didn’t seem to appease him. “I don’t know Fitz. I like him. He’s nice. He treats me well.”

“Okay,” he replied, staring up at the ceiling. He still didn’t get it.

\--

An engineering department dinner had dragged him out of flat into the late evening, one cool October night, exhaustion lacing his features as he trudged back to the apartment, trying to enter as quietly as possible in order to not wake Jemma up. He had barely kicked off his shoes when he heard the noise.

Creeping down the hall, worry swarming in his stomach, he realised what he was hearing was a rhythmic knocking of something against a wall. Along with feminine, breathy exhales.

“Nope,” Fitz gulped, the reality of what he was witnessing rushing into his head as he immediately turned tail and fled from the apartment, the door slamming behind him as he moved quickly down the hall, forgoing the elevator so that he could take the stairs two and three at a time, bursting out onto the street. He sucked in a lungful of air, letting his back thump against the brickwork of the front of the building, a hand over his eyes. “That’s fine. You just heard your best friend having sex. With Milton. Yup. Totally fine,” he muttered, swallowing hard before pushing himself back off the wall and heading to the all-night coffee shop across the street.

**_‘I’m so sorry! I thought you’d be out later!’_ **

The text came while he was on his second cup of tea, his eyes focused on the swirls of tannin in the cup between his hands. He snorted when he read her message, realising that it was followed by a few others, all time stamped for at least twenty minutes before. He had been so lost in his own head, shame, horror, and a fleeting sense of arousal all warring for dominion in his brain.

**‘ _I’ve sent Milton home. You can come back.’_**

**_‘I’m so sorry Fitz. I shouldn’t have brought him back here without telling you. Please don’t be cross.’_ **

**_‘Are you alright? Please answer me. I’m getting worried.’_ **

**_‘Fitz?’_ **

He sighed, dropping some money on the table before trekking back across the road and into the apartment. He was barely in the door when Jemma threw herself at him, hugging him fiercely, her hair still damp from the shower pressing into his neck.

“I was so worried,” she rushed, nearly clinging to him.

“I’m fine. Just went across to get some tea. Figured you’d, uh…” he muttered, not even sure where to go with his sentence. “Just, um, give me a heads-up next time?” She nodded without hesitation, a deep blush colouring her cheeks.

“Of course. I’m… I’m so sorry that you, um, heard that. I’m… gosh Fitz, I’m mortified,” she blurted. He couldn’t help but chuckle softly at her discomfort.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t hear much,” he assured her, dropping his things and heading for his room. “But you might want to make sure you didn’t break any springs.” Her indignant huff, followed by an orange being whipped at his head, was her response to his teasing.

\--

_“Wait, WAIT. You… you heard Nana having sex with someone else?” Deke demanded, looking horrified as he glanced between his grandparents. Fitz rolled his eyes._

_“Believe it or not, Deke, we didn’t realise what we meant to one another from the second we met,” Fitz ground out, cracking a walnut with a bit more force than necessary, a piece of the shell shooting across the living room and sparking into the fire. Jemma gave him a pointed look._

_“What Fitz means, Deke, is that as awkward as that was, we all have to start somewhere,” Jemma offered, shifting the baby in her arms until she could pat the infant on the back._

_“Just… its gross,” Deke mumbled, leaning back into the sofa cushions._

_“Would you like me to skip until we got our acts together, then?” Fitz offered, watching his grandson shake his head._

_“No. No, go on. I’m just going to… edit some bits in my head.”_

\--

She was the first one to suffer real loss. They were in different classes when he found out, his head buried in the mechanical structure of the latest cybernetic device he was working on when Dr. Patel came into the room, speaking quietly to his professor before moving down the isle of work benches.

“Cadet Fitz,” Patel began, causing him to jump, looking up.

“Uh, hi,” Fitz offered weakly, not sure what was going on. “Is… is everything alright Professor?”

“Can I speak with you in the hall please? And bring your things, you’re excused from classes for the rest of the day.”

Confused and slightly terrified, he nodded, hastily cleaning up his workspace before tucking his books into his bag, following Dr. Patel into the hall.

“Doctor Patel, if I’ve done something –” he started, unable to keep the slight panic out of his voice as Patel raised a hand, shaking his head.

“Cadet Fitz, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m here about your partner, Cadet Simmons. I understand that the two of you live together, off campus?” Patel queried. Fitz nodded, unsure of what the professor was getting at. “I’m afraid Cadet Simmons received news that her grandmother passed away this afternoon. She’s been excused from class for the next week to return home should she wish. But, knowing the two of you are friends, I think it may be beneficial for her to have someone with her for the rest of the day.”

He nodded deftly, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach at the thought of Jemma having been left alone at all.

“Thank you Doctor Patel. I’ll just… I’m going to go.” He left without another word, hastening across campus until he was able to get to the road, not bothering to try and find his bus pass as he walked as quickly as he could the few blocks to their apartment. He was slightly out of breath by the time he made it through the front door, using the forty second elevator ride to try and calm the way his heart was beating.

“Jemma?” he called, closing the door behind himself and dropping his bag. The lights in the apartment were off, Jemma’s things discarded on the table. Flicking the hall light on, he moved towards her bedroom, gently rapping his knuckles against the wooden frame before pushing the door open, surprised that she hadn’t engaged the latch properly. The light from the hall spilled into the otherwise darkened room, the sun providing only weak illumination from the open window on the opposite side of the room. Jemma was curled on her bed, knees tucked to her chest and arms wrapped around herself and tears slipping down her cheeks. “Hey,” he whispered, crossing the carpet until he could sit on the edge of her mattress.

“Hi,” she offered weakly in return, breath hitching on the word as another wave of tears overcame her. Fitz hesitated for only a moment before he laid down on the bed next to her, gathering her into his arms as she immediately buried her face into his chest, sobbing.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured. “I’ve got you, its going to be alright.” He wasn’t used to seeing her like that. Wasn’t used to the thought of having to provide comfort to someone when they were struggling so severely. His only experiences has been with his mother when his father had left. He had crawled into her bed that night, telling her it would be okay and tucking his body close, letting her comfort him. It wasn’t until later that he had realised his mother’s tears had been those of relief rather than of a grieving woman. Jemma’s, however, were not.

He wasn’t used to sharing a bed with anyone. Hadn’t done so when he was a child as no one ever invited him to a sleep over. Hadn’t done so with the girl he lost his virginity to, too awkward to try and ask if he could stay the night, instead slinking off in the small hours of the morning. She hadn’t spoken to him again afterwards. He hadn’t cared, not really. But he did care about Jemma. Carefully, he brought a hand up until he could start stroking her hair, careful not to get his fingers caught in any tangles as he tried to soothe her into an exhausted slumber.

“Its going to be alright,” he breathed again, feeling her hands loosen against his chest as she fell asleep.

He didn’t have the heart to move.

\--

_“Did you ever do badly at school? Like, ever?”_

_The question got Fitz to laugh, shaking his head._

_“Neither of us were particularly well versed during our field assessments. Both failed,” he explained. Deke raised an eyebrow, confused._

_“But you guys did stuff in the field all the time. Daisy showed me some of the files and Hunter has told me some of the stuff you guys got into and –”_

_“We were basically children trying to pretend that we could be spies, Deke. We had no idea what we were doing,” Jemma said calmly._

\--

He knew her test hadn’t gone well before the operatives came out of the building, the red light flashing on the panel as he waiting outside the training centre, beckoning attention. Dr. MacGregor was the one to come out first, cursing softly under his breath as he walked up to Fitz, looking down at the younger man.

“It’s a good thing you’re both scientists,” MacGregor commented, her demeanour haggard. “Cadet Simmons sustained a good whack on the head during her exam. We’re going to take her to medical to make sure she doesn’t have a severe concussion. She was unconscious for a few minutes, so we’re just being careful.” Fitz swallowed hard, nodding, feeling like he had been punched in the stomach. His heart was beating erratically, more so than it had been during his own exam a few mere hours before, even when he had to complete the stealth part of the test.

“But… but she’s alright?” he managed, struggling against the lump in his throat. MacGregor nodded.

“Yes. She should probably rest for a day or two, assuming the doctors in medical don’t have any further concerns,” the instructor assured him, giving him a soft look when she could easily read the next question he was thinking of asking. “She knows she’s failed, if that what you’re worried about, aside from the concussion. Now, in regards to your own test. I’m going to pass you conditionally because you did… the majority of the scenario correctly. Your covert operations skills need work, as do your abilities to perform in situations regarding physical proximity. I’d like you to repeat the exam in a month, just so I can have a bit more confidence in your abilities. And, of course, you’ll still have to complete the mission practical. Send me an email once you’ve gotten Cadet Simmons sorted out and we can set that up.”

“Thank you, Dr. MacGregor,” Fitz answered, grabbing his bag and making his way across campus towards medical. He couldn’t think beyond the fact that Jemma had been hurt. He gave rote answers to the medical staff, knee bouncing frantically as he waited to be admitted into the back area, led to Jemma’s cubicle by a tired looking nurse.

“Considering some of the injuries I’ve seen during field assessments, hers are very minor. Slight concussion, should resolve in a day or two. Limit her screen time, no intense reading, and keep her quiet if you can. Nothing too strenuous,” the nurse said, giving him a light squeeze on the arm before disappearing. Fitz took a deep breath, steadying himself before ducking through the curtain. Jemma was sitting up in bed, knees pulled up to her chest as she stared at the blanket.

“I… I failed my exam,” she whispered, glancing over at him as tears started to dampen her lashes. Fitz crossed the room then, dropping his bag on the floor before sitting next to her on the bed, pulling her into a gentle hug.

“I know,” he whispered, finally letting his anxiety dissipate when he felt her band her arms around his neck, keeping him close. “I failed mine too.”

It was the first time he lied to her, good and proper, he felt nearly sick with it, but he couldn’t help it, the words rolling off his tongue.

Jemma let out a watery laugh, cuddling closer to him.

“Guess we’ll just have to stay in the lab a bit longer,” she murmured. Fitz smiled into her hair.

“Guess so.”

He was about to ask when she would be discharged when she started laughing, almost hysterical as an embarrassed flush wove its way from the collar of her shirt all the way up to her hairline.

“Jemma?”

“Fitz…. I failed my exam. Because I ran into a beam. I knocked myself out,” she wheezed, her entire body shaking. “Oh God, I should never be a field agent!” He couldn’t help but join into her laughter at that, feeling his stomach start to ache with how hard they were both falling apart. He could picture it, Jemma fleeing some would-be attacker, only to be her own worst enemy. Her lack of coordination didn’t manifest much, but when it did, it was all encompassing.

\--

_“Did the two of you get drunk together the first time?” Deke questioned, leaning forward, suddenly desperate to know the answer._

_“Yes,” Jemma said, moving the baby from her breast and up to her shoulder, rubbing the infant’s back gently._

_“And before you ask, no, we were not drinking that God-awful Zima,” Fitz interjected. “I don’t remember what it was.”_

_“Vodka,” Jemma offered, “was cheaper than Scotch and you needed less of it to get drunk off of than you did beer.” Deke scrunched his nose up at the mention of beer._

_“What happened?”_

\--

He wasn’t sure what had possessed them to start drinking, other than the pure relief that came from exams being over and the knowledge that they would be moving on to bigger and better things at Sci-Ops in a few weeks. Jemma’s current confusion, however, was something a lot more pressing.

“I don’t understand what the big deal with love bites is,” she mused, one hand flying about slightly as she tossed back another shot of vodka, scrunching up her nose at the way it burned before she placed the glass back down on the coffee table. Fitz let his head lull to the side, taking a moment to focus on her in his state of inebriation as she sat on the floor by his feet, her back against the couch.

“S’posed to feel good, I guess,” he offered, trying to remember if he had ever liked the sensation.

“I don’t get it though!” Jemma groaned. “None of the people I’ve ever been with have ever given me one.” The statement was accompanied by a pout which made him laugh.

“Not doing enough necking then, Simmons. That’s half the fun before the main event,” he teased, ignoring his own limited experience in order to get a rise out of her. Jemma smacked his knee, her aim slightly off, before she went to pour them another shot.

“Maybe that’s what I missed, having not been to secondary school with students our own ages at the time. All the… the awkward making out and, the, uh, biting,” she murmured, contemplating the liquid in front of her. “I just… I think its weird to be going into a full time, grown up job before I’m even twenty but I’ve never had someone give me a hickey.”

“Christ, if it means that much to ye, get up here, ye ken?” His accent thickened as he got progressively more intoxicated, doing strange things to her. For his part, Fitz didn’t know what had gotten into him as the words spilled from his lips, filling the silence of their apartment.

“What?” Jemma squeaked, immediately downing more alcohol before she could think better of it. Lazily, Fitz reached down and picked up his own shot glass, contemplating the clear liquid for a moment before drinking it.

“Don’t have to do anything ‘sides it,” he said, twirling the glass in his fingers. “Just give ye one, or whatever.” She blinked up at him, her reflexes slightly slowed before she gave a tiny nod, standing up on trembling legs. Fitz reached out to steady her, his hands warm on her hips as Jemma climbed onto the couch, not bothering with propriety as she tumbled into his lap at the change in resistance from the floor to the cushions, ending up straddling him, their faces mere inches apart.

“Please,” she whispered, meeting his gaze with startling clarity. Gently he lifted one hand from the sofa, curling it around her wrist and tugging gently, encouraging her get more comfortable on his legs.

“Don’t know why you want this,” he murmured, eyes half-lidded with intoxication as he took in the gentle curve of her neck, her hair in loose waves. He reached out, covering her cheek with his palm as he leaned up, pressing his lips to hers softly before letting his hand slide into her hair, pushing it away from the delicate skin of her throat. She instantly surged against him, arms wrapping around his neck as he kissed her, relishing in the feeling of his weight beneath her, his torso cradled between her thighs despite the fabric of both their clothing lessening the sensations. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, a grin spreading across his features as he regarded her, lips trailing over her neck until he caught his teeth against her, pressing into her with just the tiniest amount of pressure against where her pulse thrummed. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“Don’t… don’t like not knowing things,” she chuckled, biting her lip as he finally managed to get a proper hold on her skin, worrying it gently between his teeth, a blush spreading across her as a whimper kicked out of her. He knew he should apologise, beg for forgiveness, help her right herself and then flee, but he couldn’t fathom truly doing any of those things in that moment, her body rocking against his slightly as he sucked on her neck, varying in pressure and tension. She rolled her hips at the sensations when he sucked harder, moving his mouth from her throat to behind her ear.

“Ohhh,” she moaned, unable to stop the way the sound was practically ripped from her when his tongue passed over a sensitive spot.

“There?” he queried, laving the spot with his tongue. He could feel himself responding to her proximity, his own hips lifting slightly off the couch to meet her movements. Jemma let out a small whine in response, grinding down on him even harder when he nibbled at the same spot, sucking the skin between his teeth.

“Don’t- don’t stop,” she breathed, moving her hands down until she could capture his, tugging them until his fingers were splayed over her hips, her shirt riding up slightly where his thumbs stroked against her waistband.

“Wasn’t planning to. Not till ye tell me.” His voice was deeper than he expected, hot pangs of breath against the bruised skin of her neck, the smell of her perfume nearly overwhelming as he started to help her move, guiding her hips in deliberate waves and circles. As he dragged her closer he could feel her spread her thighs a little wider, creating greater friction for herself, her centre rubbing against the arousal that was tenting his jeans.

 “Fuck,” he muttered, mesmerised by the sight and feel of her, latching onto her skin again and sucking.

“H-harder,” she gasped, rolling her hips more tightly against him, jolting slightly when he moved to where her neck met shoulder. She started rocking against him with more fervour then, undulating in his lap while his mouth held her captive, sensations ricocheting from her neck all the way down to between her thighs, setting her alight. “Oh, oh God.”

“Come for me,” the words were nearly silent, pressed into her reddening skin more than they were spoken to the room, but her body didn’t hesitate to obey. She crashed into an orgasm, gasping and writhing, fingers pressing tight to the back of Fitz’s hands as she shook apart.

She sagged against him when it was over, breathing hard, as he gently tipped her to the side, his movements jerky and stilted as moved towards the bathroom. Jemma stumbled to her feet a second later, following him, the door barely closed. He was standing by the toilet, jeans shoved down and his hand wrapped around himself.

“Let me help,” she whispered, standing behind him and curling herself around his back, her hand moving until their fingers tangled together on his cock. She nuzzled against his neck, letting her teeth skim along the edge of his collar before biting down, careful of the pressure. He moaned, hips jerking, his hand slamming into the wall to keep himself upright as he came.

“G-guess love-bites are, uh, good, ye ken?” he panted, hazy eyes looking over his shoulder at her. Jemma giggled, placing a sloppy kiss against the bruise she had left.

“Mmhmm,” she agreed, moving to wash her hands. “I say they’re very good.”

\--

_“We’re skipping that story,” Fitz rushed, the images of his first experience of being truly drunk with Jemma rushing through his mind and colouring his cheeks. They had never really spoken of the event themselves, save for an awkward mention in passing and the last place he wanted to bring it up was in front of Deke and their newborn daughter. Their grandson didn’t need to know that much about them._

_Deke frowned before shifting around on the sofa._

_“Nana, when did you tell Grandpa you love him?”_

\--

“Bobbi and Hunter are getting worried,” Fitz said, gently tapping on Jemma’s door before slipping into her room. She nodded deftly, pushing her hair behind her ear. Fitz could see that she had at least been to medical, bandages visible just below the neckline of her shirt which, when he thought about it, he realised was actually his.

“I don’t mean to worry anyone,” she muttered, curling her feet up underneath her on the bed.

“Eh, you know Hunter. He’s just worried that the attention will be off him. Bobbi cares about you though,” Fitz teased, shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. Jemma let out a watery laugh, shaking her head. “I’m… I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to –”

Jemma held up her hand, stopping him.

“Don’t. You did everything I asked you to. You came back to me,” she insisted, looking up at him. “Its all I wanted.” Fitz let out a shaky breath, scrubbing a hand through his hair, cognizant of the butterfly bandages on his forehead, one of the gifts he had gotten on Maveth a mere few hours before.

“Jemma –”

“I love you. You know that, right?” she said, fear and conviction warring in her voice. Fitz felt like the air had been sucked out of the room at her words, dizziness flowing through him.

“W-what?” he stammered.

“I’ve realised I’ve never said it. I’ve implied it, I suppose, but… but badly. Not in - urgh, God, why is this so difficult? It’s the easiest thing in the world,” she groused, hands shaking as she fidgeted with the edge of the blanket before taking a deep breath. “I love you. More than… more than I could ever imagine loving someone. And… you coming back to me today, safe, is more than I could ever ask for. It’s all I ever want. For you to be safe, here, with me.” She bit her lip as she looked up at him, insecurity dancing in her eyes. Fitz nodded, blinking repeatedly, the silence stretching between them. “Fitz?” she asked after a few seconds, unable to stand the quiet any longer.

He surged into action then, crossing her bedroom floor and pulling her into a kiss. Jemma melted against him, tangling her fingers in his hair and holding him tight to her.

“I love you too,” he whispered. “God, I love you.”

\--

_When Fitz looked up, he noticed that Deke had fallen asleep._

_“Guess we’re boring,” he commented. “Or he just doesn’t like romances.”_

_“I’m sure he’s just tired,” Jemma responded. “Lord knows we’ve all had a few challenging days the last week.”_

_He nodded, contemplating if he could spend the entire night just watching Jemma and the baby. The infant had come a little before she was expected, but it hadn’t done her any harm, ten perfect fingers and toes and eyes full of blurry confusion._

_“How is it we manage to get him to sleep before her?” Fitz asked quietly, carding his fingers through Jemma’s hair as she leaned her head back against his stomach. “Less than a week old, and she’s already got him beat for staying awake while listening to us talk.” Jemma chuckled, trying to stifle her yawn in the wood of his jumper._

_“She had a little over eight months of constant practice,” Jemma said. “Put a blanket over him, it gets cold down here at night,” she murmured after a beat, letting Fitz help her to stand before he followed her instructions. He contemplated turning off the Christmas lights for a moment before shrugging, a surge of affection rattling through him at how young Deke looked, fast asleep on the couch with the glow of the Christmas tree across his features. Shaking his head, he climbed the stairs, finding Jemma already crawling into bed, the baby held fast to her chest._

_“Thought you were against co-sleeping,” he teased, climbing in next to her and settling his hand on the baby’s back, watching her eyes flutter closed as she curled tighter to her mother’s chest._

_“It’s her first Christmas. What if Father Christmas coming gives her a fright? She needs to be here with us,” Jemma replied, grinning at him as he rolled his eyes, leaning over to give her a kiss._

_“I think Father Christmas has already been for us this year,” he murmured against her lips, looking back down at their daughter when he broke away. Jemma nodded, pulling the blanket up._

_“I think you might be right.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> Come chat on [Tumblr](http://www.kienova66.tumblr.com) if you'd like :)


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